A Scribe full of surprises

The scribe returned early from his trip and I found that I was more excited to see his return than I had imagined I could feel. He saw that I had managed well in his absense and was pleased with my work for him. There is however an undercurrent there and I attempt to look at him as I have other men, just a man that wants a soft and supple slave nearby for nothing more than pleasure.

The Scribe has turned the tables on me.

A man that I thought I would be timid and closed off to a slave like me, a man that I was certain that I would be the teacher... he.. is full of surprises. I had not known how to behave with him, usually I am bold and brassy with no qualms to seduce a man yet I have been so careful with him because he was so different. I didn't want to scare him away.. I am sure that was what was on my mind because I found that I wanted to be with him and this too was something I was not prepared for. And what did he do? He pricked my skin and got underneath and when he decided that he would have me as a slave beneath him.. sly man, he handled me perfectly, exacting what he wanted from me while leaving me in shock and breathless and ... hooked. He informed me that he would buy me from Aris and if not, he would steal me. I was excited yet sad at the prospect. He had read my journal and felt he had figured out much about me, the slave called Bela. He asked me about my children, my life.. This is a man that is drawing me into his life as part of his life.. this is so different from what I know. Max always felt like a visitor in my life and it is amazing that it has taking many years to finally see that.

The Scribe took control of me last night.. me, silly woman that thought I would teach him, he turned and had my body leaping in lovely submission beneath the skill of his touch and command of me in its entirety... release was swift and from nowhere.. my body writhing well beneath his. But it goes way beyond sex.. I have let him past the walls I keep up or perhaps he will not let them stand in his way..

Today he met with Aris.. today he purchased me without my being there and told me later as he used the key to unlock my collar, his collar replacing the one I wore. He said the old collar would be gotten rid of, he would not have it around as a reminder. This is permanent and I will step into a future with him. His quiet characteristics are not to be believed as he well had a handle on the woman that is now his slave and he will have me serve him in perfection. He told me I might see Aris again some day but too he told me that I would not see my children again as he is breaking all ties to Maximus. It is in the best interest of his slave...

A Scribe. My Master.

The Scribe Returns ~ do I live again?

The scribe shortened his trip and came back early. While Aris let me stay to work for him I found I was eager for the scribes return and have adjusted well to Port Kar. That shyness seems to be fading away in some ways yet intensifying in others and I don't quite understand why I am being so careful. In my subtle teasing of the man yesterday I found something happening inside and yet I am so different with him than a man I simply serve.. there is nothing simple about serving him.

He touched a place I deemed untouchable. I could not escape the gaze that rested on me and his touch to my hair brought a seeking woman, one who has kept her distance. My kiss to his palm was meant in more than begging for a pet, something exchanged between us and I wanted to roll to my back and writhe to him begging. Soon after we left and I quite shaken though I hid this in all the walls I keep up. Could it be I am ready to step free …

Once to the apartment I was summoned to him by crook of finger and he quite surprised me as he gathered my wrists and pulled me to him, there was nothing more sensual than feeling his lips to mine so brief then to my neck and over my shoulder. So drawn to him, my body reached, moving into him in a needfulness, his whisper to my ear that this would stop and he would talk to Aris. I hope he does.

I am not sure from where the Scribe came.. maybe I finally opened my eyes to really look at the world around me.

Maximus will stay in my heart forever..

I hope the Scribe wants to keep me.

Delivered to the Scribe

I am not sure what has come over me. I have grown very careful with myself and as much as I love Max it just seems that I am so tired inside and can no longer bare having to deal with the constant rejection. For the last hands I was perfectly happy being alone and checking in with Aris. I just seemed to need that time to ignore everything and just function. I find it amusing that on the same day I said that I was ready to think about what would happen to me.. I saw the scribe amongst the rest.. he just sitting there quietly but what a presence he had and he... got a woman who is working hard to protect herself to open up and even ask him to take her. Perhaps it is time and perhaps I am ready.

Aris met with Lucian and the business transaction was made between them. I will be with Lucian doing office work for a hand, while he is away the following hand he has the option to keep me there working until his return. I imagine it would depend on the workload and if Aris likes me not being there.. Aris.. I found it hard to part with him yesterday, I have been under his care for years now and it is he that at least was a constant. I must confess that I miss him a bit more than I thought I would and I hope he is doing well without me.... I wonder if he feels the same.

I am a slave.. a very bold slave and never have I had pause to think about my behavior to a man until now.. Perhaps I want to please him more and with he being a Scribe, I feel like I should be less the slave that I am?... He is a man.. a Gorean man and there should be nothing about my behavior that changes but I find myself wanting him to want me nearby so I tread carefully until I know him better. I wonder if this means that I will writhe beneath him better than most.... He intrigues me so and well.. he attracts me. I organized the work today and started to sort and file things from the desk but many times I found myself drifting into thought and thinking about him.. that hold of my hand from the first night with him, the way he looked at it, then rested it back to his chest, his over mine possessively. He is so different from Max. He excites me. I hope he likes having me around....

I meet a free man, the Scribe

I rushed home looking for Aris tonight and it looks like he is at the paga den again. I am not sure if he met with Marcus or not about a job but there is someplace I can go to be useful.. and work. And .... I will beg my heart out to make this happen!

I met a man... a scribe and I found I wanted to go with him, to help him work. There was just something about him that drew me. I am a bold slave but usually it is my seduction of them as a slave. This man I was bold with but in different way. I asked him to take me with him! I asked if I could come work for him. He will meet with Aris to make the arrangements necessary.. I am so excited. I will be going to Port Kar where he lives.

It will be good to fill the empty ahns of my long days. I have to face that Maximus is gone and too... for the first time in a long time there was a longing.. a longing to belong and with this Scribe I will be busy and be around people as well. It is a wonderful opportunity and too... I really like him... I did not want to leave him tonight...

The end of the Thief's whip

I do not remember the last time I was whipped. Marcus whipped me but it was to remind me my place before he raped me while bound to the slave pole. Punishment wise? I am not sure Maximus ever did lay a whip to my skin, he usually would leave when I was out of line after chaining me to his couch.

Today.. my mouth earned me a whipping.

Today, the Thief called Mortis punished me and I deserved it. I am glad he did not cut out my tongue like he said he might, that blade scared me as it sat on my tongue and when that dull edge of blade moved over my throat, I did think for a moment that maybe I was learning a lesson I would not have the chance to learn from. Instead he commanded me to position and I endured the fall of his whip by five lashes. He was not easy on me, nor tender or kind when done. I kissed his feet as he ordered me away from him yet I wanted to writhe and beg him to fall on my body and violate me completely.

He confuses me. I hope to see him soon.....

Quiet Garden in Ar

It was over a hand now and the woman known as Bela, the one that did not care that Max was gone, good riddance! or was it.. Yes, anger possessed her and her not care attitude but then the days began to pass and while she was sure she would not feel a thing that he had left, he had so many times before... Bela began to feel the walls close in on her.. she felt she could not breath, after all, he was her very breath. But he was gone.. he would not be seen again so now what, where did the woman pick up after a dozen years loving one man so much.... Would she begin to die? He did take her heart.

Now just a woman of loss often found in this quiet garden in Ar... dancing the pain of love lost. The blooms and fragrance her saviour... a talendar in full bloom picked and slid behind her ear, the vibrant red standing out to accent the woman dark of hair, so green of eyes and so fair of skin. So feminine yet of Port Karian blood and known to be vibrant, vicious and aggressive. Yet now in that lovely garden of Ar, the slow twirls as hands lifted, fingers drawing up her hair to let it fall in slow release of silky locks, eyes closed and the soft smile as she let her mind drift to happier times. The pause in her step and a look behind her over shoulder, leading foot stilled in step, toe pressed into the soft grass and as her heel lifed, it was him that she saw.. he stood looking at the woman who he had made so beautiful, after all how more beautiful can a woman be than one submitted to her love for him. He smiled, she turned slowly, arched and statue like, the body of woman in perfect display, fingers drifting along her sides, framing the loveliness that he gazed upon as the roll back of her head brought on a dance of love. Before his eyes she came alive, hips in slow gyration... calling to him as the flush of skin, and subtle turn of her hip spoke volumns more than a common slut grinding herself to orgasm. Gorean dance and art of emotion and this woman danced .. love.

Turns perfection.. sleek body of toned muscle, the flat of belly easing out to tempt him as she drew so slowly that silk garment up to give a tease... that shadowy patch barely seen and the flicker of eyes that held a smile as one hand lifted, letting go of the silk, beckoning to him with a curl of finger, her lips whispered... "come see, come see what you do to me..." The lead of hip, the turn as she moved into a slow spin, the soft moans needing to be heard because within his eyes, she was helpless... so helpless. Fingers crawled.. the silk lifted in such a slowness, temptress.. seductress as she rolled her hips feeling the heat spread through limbs.. centered in the pulse of her belly. More loose her movements, liquid and without effort as that hem of silk allowed the wink of gold belly chain resting there... hips thrust, the turn bringing the kick up of one foot, she, Bela, such a flaming tease.. that silk touching over sensitive nipples and he could see how he affected her. There was nothing more than a slave.. a woman.. knowing where she belonged, how her body begged, how deliciously she moved... those sounds now the softest of whimpers. Silk, crimson, shimmering, fell from her body to land to the manicured grasses of the garden. She, breathtakingly needful, chest lifting as her breaths were more labored and not from the dance but circumstance... of her.. being a needful slave within the eyes of the man that loved her.

What would he have done with her that very moment as she danced herself toward him... so needful.. His. So vibrant... His. So devoted... His. Eyes opened.. it was she laying in the grass of the garden, in that quiet corner that she had come to call her own. Her dream over and she didn't even look.. he would not be there. She dared herself to glance... just maybe his being gone was just a bad dream and she finally did sit up and look but it was as she thought, the garden was empty.... Her hand set down to the grass as she half turned with lowered head, beneath the fall of hair the woman.. Bela, wept.

Realizations

What happened to the Bela I know.. I .. used to be a slave that men fought over to own. Now... I am just another one of those slaves wandering aimlessly. I hate Maximus for leaving me.. I hate Aris for reminding me that I lack direction and any form of day to day life except wandering hoping for a bit of attention. How pitiful I am, how depressing my life has become.

The only man that seems to know I am alive is a thief residing in Port Kar. Yet.. I am just a slave.. hot and a slut amongst the many he keeps company with, nothing special, just a slut he calls Bela. I serviced a man the other morning, it held nothing except for the sex.. that is what I am for I suppose but it is new for me ~ I was always the desired slave...

The lessons we learn.

The Seduction of Aris

Aris had business last night and told me he would speak with me on some things upon his return, he with his small entourage left the ship and suddenly the ship was like a prison, so quiet, lonely, and I began to weep, pitifully for myself and my family. It was a time later that I woke up and crawled from Max's bunk, the ship still quiet so I took a long hot bath to think about things..

Max's departure will forever leave a scar that will not heal stacked upon the others he has left through our long history together. I will have no need to speak on him again... my life without him will speak my pain well enough.

As I finished I heard boot steps on the deck and it was towards that sound that I followed after silks were slipped on, maybe.. just maybe it was Maximus? To the corner I stopped and held my breath as I looked around, it was Aris and I stepped back before he could see me, my disappointment clearly seen on my face.. pressed against the outside wall of the cabin I had to fight the wash of tears that threatened again. Aris though did not miss much and he bellowed my name knowing I would fly out from the darkness and end in a kneel at his feet, I looked up at him and forced a smile, he himself looked tired and haggard. Paga was his first order of business and as I came back with the cradled bowl, I approached him, a man that had always been there for me but didn't seem to want me.. I lowered to kneel keeping the vessel tight to my breast.. splayed my thighs and arched with a small whimper of slave woman begging touch. To this he lifted his brow and leaned an elbow to leg to watch me better. For him I displayed a whore begging for his touch, a slave who begged to be touched by the strength of a man such as him. The bowl lifted and my lips upon the side lingered .. I didn't yet offer it but let him watch me kissing the bowl like I would his lips.. my body leapt to response, clearly through the silk he could see erect nipples and the tell tale squirm upon my heels, the bowl was offered and he took it from me and drank deeply as he was content watching me for what seemed the longest time.

It seemed forever to me.. his dark eyes and I began to tremble as for so long I had fought my desire to service him because of how I felt about my Master. Too, he had been my dearest friend when I was a Free Woman and Companion, he seemed so angry at me when I submitted myself to slavery.. and perhaps angry that I had not come to him but stepped around him to get to Marcus, a man who makes me feel my slavery so.. So there Aris seemed to stare at me, kneeling there hot and sassy.. would it be a stare off? I almost chuckled but there was an intensity sitting between us so rich that I had to look away and out towards the water for a time to collect myself. He of course did not miss this and tapped his thigh for me to come closer and spread out his boots to give me room to come in close to him. I will admit at first that I was shocked but I seemed to move without thought and in between his legs, I looked up at him for a moment and boldly lifted my hands to release his leathers, the laces slipping free with ease and his amused expression to me as he grabbed me by the hair. His voice low and exciting told me I had better please him well, I had better not be a common slut.

Of course what could I do.. my mouth upon him and an eagerness that brought a startled sound from him, oh yes, I felt the urge to make him pay for all of the times he touched the slave, Ivy, and not me.. silks were slipped free and I was ravenous and enticing, pushing the man beyond his limits.. he growled and pulled me from him and tossed me away from him. I landed in a sprawl with a cried out gasp, he seething as he looked at me as he must have suddenly remember all of his pent up anger at me. My palms to the deck, on my hip and half twisted and I looked him, breathless I was and taunted him with a slow lick of my lips telling him without word just how delicious he was... I moaned and writhed there right where I laid, he glared down at me and told me I was a taudry whore... I smiled and crooned, "yes, Master." But no, I did not stop, I pushed him with the sights of a writhing slave girl, there on the deck before his feet, moaning and begging for slave rape by a man that just as soon choke me.

He lunged at me and I screamed out in fright but he was on me like a hungry larl.. my body like a ragdoll beneath him as I was no champion to his strength. I found myself pinned by the hold he had on my throat, the collar there the only thing keeping his strength from cutting my breathing. I was getting scared as he seemed intent on hurting me but suddenly as I turned to try to get away from him, fingers scratching along the planking of the deck, I was forced down and mounted by him, his eyes dangerous and his mood very dark.. I whimpered yet my body responded to perfection, writhing and arching, hips lifting as his thrusts were harsh and a lesson to all of my taunting. He raped me soundly for ahns of time and finally lifted my withered and bruised body to carry me to his bunk with him, I slept wrapped around his legs, where he wanted me. He awoke several times during the night taking me by the hair to service him until he had his fill...

In the morning he dragged me up to him and held my head into the crook of his neck and whispered to me as he held me tight against him. He told me he would be taking me to Ar, we would live in an Inn there. He told me Max had walked out on his responsibilities for the last time and that he was going to raise these children that he had been more a father to. As he said these things, he knew I would grieve and hate him for what he was doing, he held me tight and listened to me break down as he took me away from my Master... a Master that was never there. He explained that all would be well, he would allow me to see the children at times until courses in my life changed that. I told him I hated him, he said he knew this and I had no choice in things, it was then he rolled over me and took me tenderly this time, no brutality yet still making me move well and cry out in submission as relentlessly he drew my passions from me over and over, when he felt he had taught me well enough, he did not stop until my body gave in to him again and then it was he smiled and let me sleep.

When I awoke, we left for Ar.

The Message

True to form my beloved Master runs yet.. again. This time a business proposition, Aris just smirked and said an assortment of things that I listened to as I held the paper, he has taken possession of my care. At least he does not abandon me. I think back on the last hands.. finally meeting my Master through the various messes of a dozen years even if I have been with Max through most of those years, at least I know that man, my love Master. My heart forever his but I am not even sure I care he goes away for the umpteenth time, it gets pretty old after time. Yes, I lie to myself as my Master has just left with my most precious commodity, my heart.

I have to face that my Master is beautiful with words to lift a woman and her spirit up but it is the fall where those words do the most damage. He is quick to speak, short of dedication and with ease walks from his responsibilities. I know he has these flaws and it never stopped me from loving him with everything I am.

And so I am alone but with me is his love.. he has told me these things.. I am the one he hunted down swearing nothing would come between us again. I believed...

Forever our hearts are entwined.
Forever I am His.
I am His.
His.
His.

His....

/mun weeps - you are loved, my sweet.

Meeting at the Cliffs

This morning I went to the cliffs in my wanderings, home base rather lonely and there does not seem much point in sitting there and waiting sooooo... I wandered and came upon two men, brothers that were recently reunited. The man that had been away for a long time was a handsome man and his brother called him, Reeve. I served them and was a lovely bit of flesh to gaze upon and was rewarded by the man Reeve taking me to his camp to put me to use.

A lovely beast I was beneath him and I was glad that his return brought him a slut to serve him well as he used me quite a few times over the course of a very long morning. He is recently home from Klima and has not had a woman in a very long time. Too, he seemed rather new at the Mastering of a woman sexually so such a subservient beast I was and he by the time done with me was confident and handled me quite well.

He says he will find me again..

The Secluded Cove

After my ordeal with the man Milo yesterday, I took that hot bath and once my chores were done I headed to the springs. Mostly, I wanted to soak my hip in the comfort of the hot and bubbling springs as I am in quite a bit of pain but I think it is not something I should bring up. The deep bruising will fade soon enough. As well, I needed some distance and sought it with Aris' permission by this trip to the springs. I swam with the man from Port Kar, Mortis, as he is quite a bit of fun, he though ended in a scuffle and I ended with Ivy wagering over the outcome of the fight. When it got a bit too rough, the two of us were hoisted onto Marcus' shoulders and he took us to a quieter pool. Dumped into the pool, my silks were deposited into a pile by the side of the spring and I watched Ivy sent to Aris to service him. I will admit I am boggled by this interest he has in Ivy and truly wonder why I get the glares and indifference.... perhaps... I will seduce him.

Left alone with Marcus now I found myself a bit nervous as our last encounter had run me off to protect myself from hurt and confusion. Love and loyalties sometimes blind me to what I must do as a slave. Perhaps that is why Marcus is a draw for me. I crave him, he keeps me in check because it is so easy for me to fall back on how I love Max and the easiness to isolate myself away from other men. I am no longer a companion.. I am a slave, a hot blooded slave long asleep. It was easier to become a free woman than to re-introduce the slave that once was.

I had expected cruelty from him again but he caught me off guard and was nice. He has his views, he see's himself as my Master while owned by another and I will admit that I do seek out his attention .. perhaps I am a selfish woman.. Marcus put me to use, I had not been with him in that way since the night I was chained to the post in his chambers and upon that post earned the privilege to sleep wrapped around his legs. Once past my heart I do writhe well, like any other slave and once done with me he left me on the rock and had me perform my slave needs while he watched. Soon I was sent away from him and Aris done with Ivy collected me and brought me back to Max. My Master was not there and it was not long before I was bathed and asleep, I woke some time later and he was there next to me sleeping, smelling like the paga den he had gone to earlier in the day.

Maximus ~ much of the night I watched him sleep. I am so angry at him and feel a level of hate for him right now that I can not easily shake yet... he is my Master now and I must obey him, in that I am heated. Forced to endure what I must, He putting me to task making me being what I am now. He has changed... he was once my Owner and I loved him anyway.. now he is being my Master.. I love him more. Emotions will fade.. as he said yesterday, it is his right to know everything I feel and think...

I think .. finally.. we have traversed the rocking waves and dangerous rocks.. do I dare think that we have taken the turn on the bend to smooth sailing? one can hope.

Putting Our Past Away

Today was a day of challenge. Master found a page had been torn from my journal and I had to explain what was written there and why it was torn out and burned. I explained that I had seen Marcus and the slave, Ivy, the day before and in a very short instant on their leaving I was shown that I had not given myself wholly to Max or to Marcus. It seems that I allow myself an escape hatch and when this was pointed out to me by Marcus and his brief look the other night I had to face myself. I am torn and conflicted by these two men. Each having made such an impression on me in their own way. Master made it clear I will not hide from him and that I will not write here what I think he wants to hear.

He told me to get his tunic and when I had, he fished from it and handed to me an announcement. I went numb when I read this about the birth of his son, a son that was very close to the age of our daughter and oddly enough the childs name the same name I would have named our son if Madeline was not brought to us. It seemed only fitting that Maximus would have a brother by his uncles name having seen the Max's together so many years ago. My fury came out and I was reminded that I am a slave now and felt it unfair that I could not react to a suspicion that was realized from my free life. I knew Max was away too much for nothing to be going on. Some heated accusations came from this discussion and I in my anger grabbed the journal and went running to the side of the ship to throw it in the river, he was right after me and threw me to the deck of the ship after getting the journal from me. Growling at him something about trust he informed me that I was not free anymore and that he was my Master whether I liked it or not and that I would give him what is rightfully his, which is .. me. Normally those words would bring joy to my heart and they did underneath it all... but that was overshadowed by the betrayal I feel.

He dragged me down to the bunk of Milo, a crewman, threw me in there hobbling from the ache in my hip from the fall to the deck and shackled me there. Milo was summoned and soon the sweaty man was in the bunk and on top of me for ahns as I fought like an angry larl, he did not care as he raped me several times. Of course I was a slave beneath him, my body pleasing even if my mood was not. To hear the cheers of the men when he emerged from his bunk just made me scream.. Aris unshackling me and me running for a hot bath, peace and quiet.

No more am I the coddled slave of Maximus Cabot.. the first collar I wore of his was studded with emeralds... I now live shackled and put to service upon his whim, my neck encased in simple steel with his name.. I find myself happier than I was when that coddled slave. It will take some time to put away these feelings of betrayal and too, my Master is not giving me a choice.

Had a been a free woman today, I would have walked away from him and never a look back. This is not a privilege of mine anymore. Now, I am enslaved to him and this forces me to be at his feet loving him. I am not sure how I feel about this at this very moment but one thing I am sure.. I was glad I was not a Free Woman today.

What happened last night....

Last night I was at the feet of Marcus, just talking about the generalities of day to day.. I did enjoy the time there and tried to tell that my feelings for both he and Max are so different... I have had completely different relationships with them. With Max one of love, with Marcus one of slavery. In all my years these are the two men who have made such impressions on my life in such different ways... I always feel so torn and yet torn from two very different sides of me. Ivy was found by Aris spying on us and she was dragged to his feet as well.. it was quite enjoyable watching her grovel to keep his attention or try off of me.

With a suddenness, Ivy was lifted and carried off.. His expression when he looked at me said so much that I just could not breath.. never in my life had I felt so shallow and conflic......

[the page was torn from the book and tossed into the kitchen fire......]