How nice it is to feel part of a home and a future. I am part of a partnership .. of sorts. Akil takes an active role in the property search for the new winery and warehousing in Jula. While sometimes I feel standoffish, living my own life, and too .. this is the first man to take an active role in my life, including the children. Each day that goes by brings a new level of closeness with this man I am coming to care for very much. He pays attention to every facet of my life and keeps the control of those decisions I might make, making many of them for us.
Beneath the surface of the professional woman burns the light of a long lost woman, one who is coming to life again and one not so afraid to reach out and offer to him wholly. While he is a man who will take and conquer, I seem to feel equally safe and delighted that he will not allow the walls I have erected to stay.. erected. There are moments when I feel raw and exploited, the look in his eyes when he reveals more of this woman he had no idea existed. I think on some occasions his discoveries leave us both a bit surprised. Bela of old I thought dead to me; Bela of old is not dead to Akil. He seems to like what he see's, he wants it, he takes it and devours it, I simply revel in it and crave yet more and give.. much more.
We came full circle recently... in a bathing room oddly enough. What started there in my ire of his treatment of me to end the circle of my willingness at his slightest glance at me.. the roots have set, from here we grow. More of the happier woman creeps out each day to feel the light of day, to dust herself off.. to live. Now.. I can not imagine my days without him.
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