The Visit

Max came to Jula to visit his children. Max shorted his children his time while he rushed off to find himself something to replace me. Max shorted Maximillian by denying him a visit with his brother and sisters, something all four children need.

What a disappointment Max is.

How predictable Max is.

I write this in an anger and hurt so deep that I do not know where to begin. The ink spills to parchment as if blood from a cut open vein. For years that door has been open waiting for him to make some sort of move or commitment. How long I hoped he would gather me up one more time that I had not realized how much I let it put a stand still on my life. Marcus never stood a chance because I know in my heart I was waiting for Max to come save me and carry me away. Always I dreamed of that happily ever after with him. I loved him, I will love him always in a certain way but sometimes things change when a different color of light is shed on things.

Akil was friendly enough when we met. Any contact that began by chance meeting furthered by a business contract of wine delivered. When I came to Jula, I had no intention of letting events go further than business but this man did as he pleased, took me in a way that I could not deny him even if it was not really my choice. When I left Jula the first time, I didn't intend to go back but I did. I missed the man, I missed the way he looked at me. Maybe it was then that I realized that I would feel as Niko felt with Max. I was never jealous of her, but I was jealous of the excitement Max displayed over her. I was hurt that as much as he said he loved me, wanted only me.. that I excited him in bed more than any woman ever had that still he didn't seem to find that same excitement in me.. or perhaps it was that I craved the Max from when we first me, that is the man I was waiting for. Still, he treated me as second rate and as the one that would always be there to pick up the pieces or better yet, to fill that void until his next conquest came? Is he really that shallow? I knew he was never true to me, he is a man lacking in control and commitment. Last night I told him that he will always end up as he is. He will always be alone.

Akil didn't allow the shadow of Max to stand in his way and really, Akil did not choose to see that shadow, to him it did not exist. The only thing that existed to him was me, a woman he wanted to and now does possess so fully. How exciting it is to be looked at like that, to be approached with the expectation that I will be his because he says it is so. The night that door almost came in to my room was a night that Akil did not let a door or all the walls I have up stand in his way. He didn't turn and run, he didn't seek solace with someone else to lick his wounds. He is a man.

As Max left in his obvious displeasure at the announcement of our Mating he said he would go out and find a new gem. Well, that would be fine but he won't treat her any better than he did me as he let his true gem get away by sheer laziness on his part. Did he really have no idea that I would wait for him forever if only he stepped up and made something happen? Max, you are a very stupid man and how disappointing you are.

It was time I woke up and looked to the future. It was time I stopped sleeping my life away hoping Max would come claim what had been his for so long.

Akil teaches me that there is so much more to life. I have a partner, someone who attends my booming business with me, a partner who takes his time every day to bond with three beautiful children. A man that will see to that all of us are happy and protected. He teaches me that I can safely be the Bela I am, I am with a man that sees the balance I have in my life as a needed thing.

Was I waiting for Max or was I really waiting for Akil?

How grand it is to love again without doubt or reservation. When I look at Akil I find the old feelings are gone, it is fresh and brand new. I know Akil will not be like Max. How many times did I look at Max saying, "Yes I love him but I don't trust him in the least." Akil finds he has my old habits to deal with at times but kings.. that man is divine.

::Bela looked long at what she had written, dagger drawn, sentences spilled out, pent up filth now cleansed. Dagger sheathed, stylus laid to rest. As she closed the book to the private world of her thoughts, she smiled. This chapter closed, a new one having begun. It was then that the smile emerged, one brand new.. pure and true.::