The shell must have an exit

While absorbing my Masters wishes of me I would have to admit to wrestling with a few emotions on the subject. Yes, in a way I want him to want me all to himself, to selfishly keep me from another mans touch, to be that prize in which only he delights in. I do know the role of a slave in society, very well I know this. Seeing Caed once more did remind me what kind of slave I used to be. I tried to read that note that Master wrote to Caed but could not see what was written. My Master did see a bit of that flirty side and it seemed to put a smile on his face yet I do not understand it. I am so conflicted but I imagine that would have a lot to do with so many years as a free woman and Max keeping me to himself. He did say I would serve other men at the end but that was because he was off doing whatever it was he does. Now, I have a Master who is part of my life, teaching me what it is I will be to him. It is daunting but so very exciting. I wake in the night dreaming of him and turn to listen to him breathing while I imagine myself beneath him, feeling his touch .. his weight. I realize with him that there is much of me that has gone dormant.

I try to see myself through my Masters eyes. I try to see myself as he spoke of his desires for me. Over the years I have become very shy and more than likely to watch other slaves service the men, myself very content to do so. I was watching some slave girls in my wanderings and took the time to study the habits of slaves that may not have been held to one man or a free woman. By watching them I learned that I have become very reserved in personality and that I have become more of a companion sort of slave. There are many men in which I have held conversation with in recent times but I have been happy just to talk to them, to tease them and enjoy them from a distance while keeping them company by conversation. I did not seek more. One man had made comment to that by mentioning he was surprised that I was not trying to seduce him but I did not know how to answer him. I was content as I was. One man did take me away for use before my Master purchased me and though I enjoyed the conversation I was of the mind to rush off home when it came to the use of my body. I didn’t, I serviced the man and well but my heart was not into it.

More recently, perhaps I am coming out of my shell a bit. I squirmed well against Caed last night when he kissed me goodbye, but I think it is easy to respond to the familiarity, he was a man I always enjoyed serving. Too, his son I followed around the arena for a bit and was comfortable with him, in actuality I am very comfortable around men, I just do not seek more. There was a man who I served in the main room of the house, I do not know who he was but I displayed myself well for him, hoping he and my Master would be pleased. The woman Sekret was thinking about luring me with the idea of trinkets for stories of old on the heathen Master, Caed. This could be a very lucrative deal for me.

Once back to my Masters room I crawled to his sleeping form and curled at his feet. I am missing him while he works long into the nights, he is a very busy man. As I laid at the feet of my Master, that kiss still felt to my lips, it was a slave I felt like and there is such a contentment settling inside. It is good to be owned by this man, it is good to be back in Port Kar. I do miss and think of my children often, finding I ache for them constantly but I know Aris will see to their well being, he is a good man.