Rebirth of a slave

It was the hardest thing to decide in the first place. I had to give up my hard won status of a free woman, my businesses of wineries.. I was very good at my chosen profession. The hardest thing of all was my children. They would not longer be mine. I think of them and Aris often, wonder where they have gone. When I submitted to Marcus.. he was a man who made me feel like a slave but he did not have the ability to get into the places the scribe seems to find and take possession without a thought. With Max I knew that it would be the easy life of a pampered slave so the decision of being a slave really wasn't all daunting..

Now with the scribe.. there is such a mix of excitement and fright. He wants to see the slave he has not seen and said he will bring her out in me and that I will learn not to think free and as his equal. He said he wanted to see what he had not seen before, use it for his pleasure and exploit it. How can I argue with that. I want to please him, before I wanted them to please me.

I balked when he said today that he would make my use available to a few ... this makes me nervous.. for the longest time I have been a one man woman. Granted I was free and it wasn't proper, plus I was completely devoted to my Companion. Once Max's slave again, being put out for use of other men usually meant a punishment and so when he said this I was sure I had been found displeasing in some way and I closed up feeling very distressed.

My anger was challenged today.. I felt insulted that perhaps he felt I could not be trusted and that he felt that I was shopping for a Master. For the first time that I remember in a very many years, I have a home.. I think He is the best thing to happen to me in the longest of time. Why would I want to lose that.... He made me speak my anger, that I would have no secrets from him.. I insulted him as well and when he spoke his view on things... well.. I do understand.

My Master, he can be so kind... these have been the hardest three days that I can remember and wept this to him as he comforted me for just a moment while not stepping back in just who was in control. How is it I suffer so by his training, his decisions yet it draws me more to him... begging and seeking, utterly miserable in my slavery yet so glad I am here.

I have become a woman of hiding, one who sits back and watches the world, lives just on the surface. Secretly, I miss that bela of old.

He makes me hunger.