The Gift

There was a surprise left upon the mat for me today. Admittedly it was not expected it and it brought the biggest smile. For the longest time I sat there with the silver wrapped package in my lap, my hands running over the paper trying to guess what it might be. I just had no idea what to expect and when the moment hit that I could not wait one more moment, fingers pulled the blue ribbon free - I just could not stand the excitement any further. Within was the most beautiful writing set ever and a note from my Master. The note will be tucked in this book along with the folded paper and ribbon. Already I write this with the beautiful quill.

To me, this is the most beautiful and thoughtful of gifts. This book always available for him to read as I must hide nothing from my Master.. he has said this so I shall obey. At times I try to hide within myself but it seems he will not allow that either. I must be careful with my feelings for him, perhaps I have no control of such things but I feel him drawing me out, requiring to know more about me, to see all of the things I don't let anyone see. The day I was so angry at him I was remiss in the mention of one of the things I spoke to him about. Something I wanted to deny because he did tell me what he desire in my thinking on this and it has been very hard to shift my thinking.

Guilt. I feel guilty for being where I am, I feel guilty happy in the collar that claims me to someone else. That does not mean that I do not love Max any less but it does mean that I am finding happiness. I think of him probably every day, the hurt and anger now begins to fade.. in honesty I think that the fading of these emotions allows me to turn more to my Owner, to serve him better and to feel for the place that I kneel at his feet. I know where Max will end up .. he is a very predictable man, habitually predictable, but I am beginning to come to terms with that. My Master is teaching me many things about the man Maximus Cabot. By example he does this, he does not have to say a word. My Master is teaching me many things about the woman called bela. Speaking slave is turning out to be a very hard thing to do but the one thing very clear of this exercise is that it keeps my mind on him and the lessons that he places me under.

Yes. I am very happy at my Masters feet.

He said last that I was not to feel guilty for being happy, that I was to serve him because he now owned me and I am in service to him. Each day that passes this is so much easier for me to obey.

Last night I served in the house of Caed and was taken with him to another house to serve, it is owned by a man called Rejar. It was an interesting evening as I saw the woman Mahalah.. hopefully she will not remember that I was the bela of Jaren, or that if she already remembers this that she just could not care less. One thing a bit distressing... the Master Jaeden asked the Master Caed if he could keep me. Thankfully Master Caed said no... kings, I would just be a miserable woman if taken from my Master.

I have known this but it was last night when Master Jaeden said this that I was struck with fear of being taken away from the Scribe. That would be the worst thing that could happen to me..

Gift from her Master