On The Deck

So begans my new life within my new life. I don’t know where I will end up in any given day and it a certainty that I never expected to be a possession, either Companion or slave, to Maximus Cabot ever again. The anger of Max is brewing and it can be seen under the surface of his skin. I have a long way to go before he looks at me without some sort of doubt, hate or anger. Though I have taken the step to fix my life, perhaps Max will hate me for this forever. I am a mix of feelings and most likely the pregnancy is not helping with the swing of emotions depending on the hour of the day. In an odd way I miss Marcus, he after all was in the process of pulling me from my hidden place and I hope Max will continue the work begun on me. Bela wants out in the sunlight, not locked away in a dark musty place.

Beneath the tunic I have begun to show and now Max has me wearing silks once more. my lower belly is beginning to round, soon I will be more clumsy than I am already feeling yet now the coming of the child is no longer stressful like it was. I was worried about a happy birth for the child and brought to be with Maxine and Maximus. That burden now lifted and the birth not a dreaded thing, without Max it would have been the worst of experiences. I will still lose my child, I am a slave now but not in such a cold yet necessary way. Marcus could not let me keep the child obviously.

How different the two men are. I have been owned by many but only two haved affected my life and in such opposite ways. Max I love with every part of my being and Marcus held love from me long ago in that caravan but it was one to a man so grateful for making me be a slave. By the time I had ended at his feet I had already lived as a love slave twice past, a coddled slave and one that could rule men so easily. He had been the stop for a while in that behavior. I knew very well that if I could find weakness in a man I would use it to my gain. Marcus did not allow that and so he began to shape a slave as she should be so yes, I loved him back then for making me what I needed to be. Max held my heart, he had for so many years and that was no secret but now we form a new relationship and I look towards it with anticipation and apprehension. I do not want to lose that bela I had begun to find again. Obviously I will have to be patient and wait for the birth of our child.

Max put me in silks, placed his collar on me and reserved me for himself, and in the time spent with him there was a calmness in me and I wonder if he could see that I am more at peace? Tripping all over myself as a free woman, trying to figure out what he desired of me was exhausting. Now I am something I know and was comfortable in once upon a time, I hope he could deal with me that way after having me at his side for so long. We are strained, finding our way, there are so many things to learn about each other again.

In the mornings when I rise I head out to the deck of the ship and stand there feeling as if I am so entirely free, I am finally, free of the restraints that held me back and this morning I laughed and danced around the deck just amazing the crew there. A bold woman I was and would flaunt myself at them, turning and spinning, giving them a taste of a Bela in a better form, out of practice for so many years and pregnant. I however moved in a way that lured their gaze and their lust. One sailor grabbed and kissed me while his superior stopped him, I am Max’s was the announcement made to the men, I just winked at the kisser and trotted away to continue my spirals and seductive movements. This crew might learn to hate me for being brash and beautiful, teasing and seductive and so untouchable! And too what a shock it was seeing the Lady Bela of the Estate as such a teasing slut, yes, perhaps they can see that I might writhe well beneath a man and it seems some thing that is the perfect place for me to be. That Port Karian wench was reborn and wobbly on her feet but she will come into her own once again. I am free, more free than any free woman on this planet, how stupid they are thinking they are Free! I have made my presence known on the ship.. I think there will be many slaves sought out at the paga dens where we are to shore.