On the ship today I was put in Max's collar and am now dressed in silks. I answered his questions with honesty and I see an anger seething under the surface of his skin. I betrayed him by leaving him as I did and I am certain that I will pay for that for some time to come. Left to my throat are the finger marks where he held me there, it would have been very easy for him to kill me and I in turn made it easy for him. If I were to die by his hand tonight I at least would have had his face in my mind at the last moments of my life. Something stopped him. I was given a mercy this time. I am allowed my journal and I am to keep it in his room so he may read it, I am reserved and may go out with Aris. I worry for Aris, I am not so sure Max is done with him yet. Aris did nothing but what I hired him to do or asked of him. I know Aris has feelings for me, I hope Max will be kind.
He looked at my body, bruised by the slave whip that Marcus used well upon me, he touched our child. I know he is not happy about this right now, I could see it in his eyes. However, he is guarded and does not speak things to me right now, his hard kiss told me all I needed to know as he laid me down to rest while he went outside.
It will be hard for a while ~ we will be okay.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
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