The Whirlwind

The day started off quietly. The winery is running smoothly since the inventory has been done. I made the purchase of a large quantity of bottles, the price was right and it will be enough to get through the barreled reserves I have. New barrels are being made for the harvest that is coming in. The new foreman is working out well and doesn't mind too much that I tend to have done what I want done. In a way he reminds me of the gardener in Port Cos that just hated me when I started to rip up the lawns for what is now a successful winery.

Reck is home. I feel so foolish spying on Thalonius now, and even sure that he had brought harm to him. And look at how I behaved trotting right over to him.. so eager. Hopefully it didn't lift too many brows. It was good to see him and though I keep fussing about business, I do want to get to know him better.... to ask him about those things the wine merchant said. While I don't look at him as a conquest, something about him. I am changing and for whatever reason, I feel he is instrumental in the birth of this new woman I am becoming. Perhaps that he lives to his own step, something I could never do yet now want to try. The strangest thing with him happened. While he was eyeing up Max and politely trying to be on his way.. I was so busy talking that I wasn't paying attention but the moment he was gone.. inside my head as the clicking of that rod against his teeth. Strange how that was. Once he was gone I heard it. During the rest of the day I heard it. Laying in my bed with my mind whirling after the conversation with Marcus, all I could hear and so loudly was that clacking of metal against his teeth. Thalonius now has a few bottles of my wine in his stock yet he is driving a hard bargain. I am being ripped off but soon the tables will turn when my wine is expressly asked for and he doesn't have it to offer. Then he will lower his percentage and we will get along fine. He is not the only shrewd merchant around.

Maximus. The chemistry is there, it always has been there and always will be I imagine. Today was so different, so odd. We sat and talked. I told him the truth, I will always love him but life.. happens. He treated me like a free woman, perhaps that was a first. Usually it was his beating his chest exclaiming that I am his woman and carrying me away. The problems would disappear for a short time but then it would all start again. I wish the man did not have such a roving eye. I had always wished he would take care of his family but no matter how we love each other and always will, perhaps it is best this way. We will meet again. He needs to see his children and our children need to meet their brother. I will not punish an innocent young boy for the mess the adults made. He has asked me to come to Port Cos on occasion to tend to the winery. He says it needs some up keep, I wonder what he has done to my winery! It will be business only and I may need the stored wine there for this contract I spoke to Keiran about. Asperiche is looking to fill a large contract. I wonder how my loved garden in Port Cos is. I made the cottage in Turmus with a beautiful garden very much like the one in Port Cos. I have not yet found where I want a new garden at the Estate. The house that Marcus built is nice but I loved the original house there and the garden that was within the crook of quiet in the back.

Marcus. Our arrangement was easy, for him. While I did not mind it at first.. I can not be that woman of the past that he looks for. He never allowed me choices but now that he does, I am making them with gusto. My choices, my life. Sadly, it is bringing me to a new phase of my life. Last night Marcus discussed with me his desire to contract Companionship for a term of a year. While I do not really understand his desire for this, I told him I would listen to what he brings to the table when he is ready. Marcus and I do not love each other. Once long ago we sounded these words to each other.. the love of Master and slave. My heart was already Max's. Perhaps it was that I loved where he put me, a place I do not desire any longer. He gifted me with a beautiful box with my name etched. Within the box is a mix of gifts that bring very mixed feelings. A necklace that he said would help remind me of the slave I am. Earrings to wear at night and a beautiful ring fitting for a free woman with a lustrous stone of deep blue. I was rather surprised by his choice of gifts as a dowry of Companionship. I do not intend on getting my ears pierced because I do not intend on being a slave again. I know what Marcus wants from me but that woman is long gone. He says the hurt and the pain has scarred me and perhaps so. He wants to see the Port Karian wench that he once owned, he wants to see the fire in my eyes again. Perhaps if he looked he would see that there is a new fire, a rebirth of a different Bela. I have been smothering in a cycle of two men that want to keep me as I was.

That brings me to Bela... my Dearest Max and Marcus.. the Bela that both of you have loved died a natural death. Never forget her. Within the ashes of Bela, the Port Karian slut is the Lady Bela Cabot. Brand new, getting to know who she is. Know her.

*fingertip touched over the last paragraph after she wrote it. Melancholy in her small smile as she put the book away. Laying there in the dark for the longest time, she mourned the Bela of long ago with silent tears slipping down her cheeks and that clacking of rod against teeth ringing in her head*