Rummaging Through the Mind

Things are not as easy without Aris seeing to my safety.. I had quite the fright last night and I do not know if the hired guards have returned. It is safe to say that they have lost their employment with Silverton Estates. A rather disgusting man came up to me and said some vile things to me and so they got to their job but then let me get separated from them in their eagerness to do their job. I had thought I was safe until from the tunnel came the man that caused the situation. It was then that I felt the heavy rock like feeling in my gut and the instinct to flee for my life. When I tried to get to the guards, the man got in between us then other men came to his aid but then luck was mine. I told him I was going back to the Arena, safe and out of the rain. He allowed this so I fled to the safety of the interior of the Arena and got to the Arian Guard for an escort home. I still tremble at the idea at how fragile my existence is and I am afraid to tell Marcus what happened because I do not know what he would do. Must I always live in fear being the weaker of sexes? I find this all very frustrating. I hate it, in fact. I did not like feeling vulnerable and unsafe with this man facing me last night. I will hire on more guards.

Reck seems gone.. I asked Thalonius about him and a muttered snort with some mumbled words laced at the end with Vaako. So.... I am not sure how I feel about this. In my experience people come and go so quick it was like they were a figment of my imagination yet still at night I feel his lips against that final veil that he left in place what seemed so long ago. The work was secondary but I let that be my focus.. how clever I am...

Marcus would soon like an answer to his request for Companionship. He says he is missing something from his life but am I the one to fill it really? We don't love each other. There is an attachment there of history and regard. Friendship yet I avoid telling him much because I feel that dangle of invisible collar there when he questions me. He knows Aris was fired and questions me on my trip to Jula but I am not willing to answer anything he asks. Sadly, a companionship for me would be a business proposition, there is nothing left inside to feel one way or another about anything. He said long ago that inside I was deeply scarred. Well many people are and do they to just stop feeling much about anything? I am flawed. Maybe it was my breeding, that weakness of emotion....