Street of Brands

I ventured out and toward the Street of Brands last night. At first I was a bit nervous, moreso because Aris was inclined to turn back to the Vineyard when he realized where I was going. I was insistant as I had business to do and I intended on doing that business.

Once to my destination, I stood for a time looking at the face of the building, contemplating just why I was going there. Truly, was it all business that was on my mind? Honestly, no, it was not. I turned, I looked at my guards and told them they would wait for me outside. I did not give Aris the opportunity to argue. I pressed onward with a turn of the handle, entry and closure of the door before a word between us could be had. I felt somewhat emanicpated and nervous, this meeting something I had been mulling over since breakfast with Reck and knowing his profession.

While I was thinking to find an artist to design some labels for the wines, my mind seems stuck on some redesigning of my body, removal and covering of older markings. We will know better when the next appointment is made.. Beyond the business.. I left there in a delightful turmoil I had not felt in some time. I think I was encouraged to be myself in a safe environment, not by the watching eye of those that have been in my life. While I look at these men who care about me in one way or another, still I always feel like the collar is hanging like a noose where I can see it, to keep me terrified of ending there again. I will admit that it was quite nice to push the boundaries, play on that edge of excitement and not feel in a greater danger. I have forgotten how to have fun. I would like to reintroduce myself to such a word.

It is nice just to be... not worry about all the trappings.

Last night Aris looked mighty good by the time we arrived back home. As I went to my room I did turn and consider a seduction of the man .. the urges were powerful but then I decided to savor the feelings.. to let them simmer and build.

In my enthusiasm, I think I misspoke as I left. I regretted it the moment I said it.. how dare I be so assumptive. I was ashamed of myself thinking to try and be more .. than I am.

Bela.. Bela. *grins* Bellllahhhhh.

*the book snapped shut and tied with the white satin ribbon, placed back in the locked chest*