Coldness

A chance meeting from my past recently has brought my thoughts to what I am trying to do now. Am I trying to reinvent the old me or am I trying to forge out a new existance. Aris tells me that I work to hard and that I don't let many near me. I have already heard his feelings on Reck. I imagine I should not tell him that I will be having some work done. I might not see the light of day again.

Anyway.. to be looked at as I was today by a man that knew me before left a cold feeling inside of me. I am this fresh new person and would really like to let the past fade away and I think that is why I seek this work done, to finalize it if only in my own mind. Max.. I think of him often, he has yet to materialize like he said. Marcus.. though we live in the same house, I do not see him any longer. I have my thoughts on the matter.

Once more I went by the shop, it looked deserted, the sleen were not even there as when I knocked I was greeted with silence. I am not so adventurous that I would enter. I remember he had that snake in there, not that I would enter without invitation. I hope that he is traveling and that it has nothing to do with his fight with Thalonius. I think I will watch that man more closely.

I wonder ... yes, I wonder about that beaded tongue, what more lies beneath... "mine is...", he had said. Yes, I wonder.

A Gift Left

I had stood outside on the street for the longest time. The shop looked quiet and I had not seen Reck since he left the arena that night with a bottle of the wine from the crate. I was wary to do business with Thalonius until I spoke to Reck more on the subject, his warnings about the merchant taking root. Once Reck left I would watch Thalonius more closely, watching who approached him differently than the more common girl buying a drink for a free man or woman that was being served. I saw nothing suspicious that night but there have been times I have seen the man carrying on business other than the wines he sells. Still, I think it is important for the winery to be represented at the Arena.

Finally I walked to the door and tapped lightly. The sleen, they startled me and by hearing their racket I knew he was not there so left a gift of reserve wine hanging on the door. I imagined he drank the wine like our first meeting, from the bottle like an ale, guzzling without stopping until much of it is gone. I like the way he drinks wine, I like how different he is. I like that it will be his way..

I tell myself I go to the shop about our business at hand.. it is more...

Street of Brands

I ventured out and toward the Street of Brands last night. At first I was a bit nervous, moreso because Aris was inclined to turn back to the Vineyard when he realized where I was going. I was insistant as I had business to do and I intended on doing that business.

Once to my destination, I stood for a time looking at the face of the building, contemplating just why I was going there. Truly, was it all business that was on my mind? Honestly, no, it was not. I turned, I looked at my guards and told them they would wait for me outside. I did not give Aris the opportunity to argue. I pressed onward with a turn of the handle, entry and closure of the door before a word between us could be had. I felt somewhat emanicpated and nervous, this meeting something I had been mulling over since breakfast with Reck and knowing his profession.

While I was thinking to find an artist to design some labels for the wines, my mind seems stuck on some redesigning of my body, removal and covering of older markings. We will know better when the next appointment is made.. Beyond the business.. I left there in a delightful turmoil I had not felt in some time. I think I was encouraged to be myself in a safe environment, not by the watching eye of those that have been in my life. While I look at these men who care about me in one way or another, still I always feel like the collar is hanging like a noose where I can see it, to keep me terrified of ending there again. I will admit that it was quite nice to push the boundaries, play on that edge of excitement and not feel in a greater danger. I have forgotten how to have fun. I would like to reintroduce myself to such a word.

It is nice just to be... not worry about all the trappings.

Last night Aris looked mighty good by the time we arrived back home. As I went to my room I did turn and consider a seduction of the man .. the urges were powerful but then I decided to savor the feelings.. to let them simmer and build.

In my enthusiasm, I think I misspoke as I left. I regretted it the moment I said it.. how dare I be so assumptive. I was ashamed of myself thinking to try and be more .. than I am.

Bela.. Bela. *grins* Bellllahhhhh.

*the book snapped shut and tied with the white satin ribbon, placed back in the locked chest*

".... Mine is..."

To say the least, the shock was there or was it more... Truly, would I be daring enough to see this? I know what he meant but still I gave the man my name anyways. Hearing my name roll off his tongue.. "Belllaaaa".. Kings! It was too much wine, that is what it was. Aris yapped at me all the way home. Claud didn't dare once he saw the look I gave him. Once back to the house I ignored them both, retreating to my room with a slam of my door, throwing the lock. That made it understood I was not to be bothered.

Feeling quite flushed and tipsy I stripped down to lay in my bed and think. The idea was to sleep off the wine but I found my mind would not shut off. I had breakfast with a man I did not know but too, perhaps I have a new contact for the business. This Merchant, this acquaintance of Reck's, he seemed inclined to speak with me again. A distributor needs to be found as I saw not one vendor at the Arena selling wine from this vineyard.

Yes, the business. The business.. I wonder why then that my mind keeps drifting to this man, that charming smile and what he does for a living. What will I do if I see him again.. beyond making Aris turn red in the face! It was a first in a long time. I ordered my guards to step away from me, to give me room to breathe. Aris has been quiet since. I await for his rage, he is stewing on it for now....

A groggy half-sleep I had. I could not seem to settle and rest.

Settling In

The property has changed quite a bit since Marcus took over the winery. This house, largely built to accomodate the wealth he has acquired in owning this business. The north wing is for the four of us, Aris and Claud to live comfortably. A teacher has been hired to continue the studies of Max and Maxine, Madelaine has just started as well.

While Marcus was away it seemed he had a few employees enjoying the fruits our labors. The first that I poked my nose into the books, it was plain to see that something was amiss. Within a few days the foreman was let go as well as the bookkeeper. The bookkeeper did not know that a few people were paid that did not work there. Which was why the bookkeeper was let go. Already the receipts are fatter on the books and I have started the inventory process already making my suggestions to improve the operation overall. I have no idea where this business side of me came from but it is the one thing I do well.

I saw Ivy the other day.. Aris like he always did, has an eye for the slave. Pleasantries were had between us but how do we speak now. We were either friends or at each others throats, highly competitive but now, what do I have in common with a slave? I endured having my guard drag off the woman to the bushes, the entire area forced to listen to grunting and rutting while I pretended to read my ledger book. I did not care that he used the woman but that he had to do it as he did. Aris is a beast, uncouth at that.

Marcus and I have an arrangement.. it works for us both at this time. I am not sure if I am a ward of his or not, I am sure we will argue that line plenty. It is what we do best. After arriving back to the house with a grinning Aris, I excused myself and went to spend a few ahns with the children, early evening playtime is my favorite part of my day. Once they were settled in their beds, I took a long bath and let my mind drift to pleasant places. I was brushing my hair and about to turn in myself when there was a tap at my door. For a long moment I would look at myself in the mirror. Who did I see in those eyes so vibrant? Are they just a facade hiding a dullness within? I admit that I am finding my life a tad boring yet at the same time I still stir something in a few.. And so, each day brings new experience as I step out and seek new friends and places of interest.

Recently.. to the ire of Aris, I saw him. He looked well yet I was extremely guarded, the desire to fall into his arms was strong yet the memories too cruel. Inside my heart .. always.

::the book fell shut and tied with white ribbon, fingertips would touch lightly over the satiny bow. The book placed on top of the old one, locked in her trunk. Private sanctuary for private thoughts::