We found after some time together that we are both talking, really talking and we both realized about the same time that we were in fact talking, and mature. In the many years of Maximus being in my life and through all the anger, desire, frustration, fighting, love, hate and every other display of emotion between us, it was this time with him that I found I enjoyed more than I can express simply by the act of communication and both of us feeling heard. We both listened, we both spoke our concerns for ourselves and each other. I can appreciate his not wanting to hurt me again... I offer him home, not random comfort but know him well enough that maybe he is not ready.
I showed him the letter I wrote to Maxine, he feels I should let her read it now, to let her know me before she learns of me through someone else. I suppose it would spare her shock and possible humiliation to find out I was a slave, her fathers love slave. I suppose it would take away a fear I live with daily. I will admit that I am scared but I will do what is best for our daughter. Max was affected by the letter and while we both face things about us that hurts, still, we communicated, shared, accepted each other and even helped each other through the initial pain by the offer of a smile or a light caress.
While legally I am not his Companion and may never be again.. it is my heart that is committed to him and it will stay that way, it simply can not be any other way and we both knew this the day we met.
Drac had some good suggestions.. I imagine he thought we were both out of our minds listening to us say the same things but differently.. it was so different from the day we stood before him in our Companionship ceremony.
Is it possible to rekindle that thing he misses? Yes.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)